Today I Cried for a Man

I know networks are happy that despite the dry spell that is summer television, they've had a "story" like the death of Michael Jackson to sustain them but even with their continuing attempts to turn Michael Jackson's life into a circus, today's memorial service was a tasteful and uplifting remembrance of the man.

Yes there were missteps (Sen. Jackson Lee) and some questionable issues (a $4 million bill laid on the taxpayers of California, a bankrupt state) but all that was overshadowed by the powerful words and tearful good byes. Today I mourned Michael Jackson the man. Not how his music made me feel or what it reminded me of. I mourned a father who left behind three young children. I mourned a man who lived a life that was isolated and haunted by abuse. And most of all a man who despite the best attempts of those around him, maintained his childlike innocence and a dedication to help those around him. That's more than anyboday can say. And I agree that he was "the greatest entertainer that ever lived".


My favorite tribute from the memorial:

The Truth About Cats

I've had my cats for about two years now. And although I've talked about the trials and tribulations of cat pregnancy, there's lots of things that people don't think about when getting a cat. So I thought I'd share some truths about cats.

1. Cats throw up ... ALOT: I've dealt with a lot of cat puke. While my cats were pregnant, they had morning sickness. If I change their food too drastically, they throw up. Basically every alternating Sunday, they find an excuse to throw up. Actually the throwing up doesn't bother me as much as the fact that my cats seem to go out of their way to throw up on the carpet. If they are in the (tiled) kitchen, they will deliberately go to the living room to vomit on the rug.

2. There is nothing worse than the sound of a cat hacking up a furball: It's the combination of a person dry heaving, wracking with coughs and old man with emphesyma. Nuff said.

3. If you have a cat that sheds, invest in a good vacuum cleaner: Seriously, if my cats have hairballs so do I. There is hair everywhere and in the summer I might as well give up.

4. Cats scratch ... and it leaves marks: Every day I notice a new mark or a healing one. It doesn't necessarily hurt but it sucks. Cats especially scratch when you bathe them, ake them to the vet and generally try to make them do anything that they don't one hundred percent want to do.

5. Cats make THE BEST cuddlers: The only reason I keep my cats around. When it comes to cuddling they are number one. Sometimes I don't even realize they're there until a comforting paw wraps around me or I get a sweet lick on my hand. It's the best feeling and probably the only thing that gets them saved from being dropped in Lake Merritt.

Death to AutoTune

So as the spring moves into summer (and I have some free time on my hands), I'm back here to blog and share.

It's been one week since Michael Jackson left this earth and it's become clear to me, mourning is almost never about the person who died. How else do you explain an entire world of people (including myself) who eight days ago probably couldn't say the words Michael Jackson without a snicker or derisive snort, crying and clamoring for that same man.

Will Michael be missed? Yes, of course. But I have to admit that my sadness (and it's still here, it has lingered) comes from all the great memories that I've associated with this man and his music. I want to say that it's all about him but that would be a lie and the time for lies is over. I am sincerely sad but moreso than for a man I'm sad for a spirit that was battered and broken by his family, by fame and probably never fully felt the joy that he brought to so many. That's what saddens me still, a week later.

I've been watching music videos since then. First the many tributes to Michael and then as music channels segued back into their regular rotation, I got a chance to "catch up" on what I've been missing and the sad fact is music is gasping for it's last breath. I won't deny the innovators but with them being so few and far between or in some cases unconsumed, what is the future for music? When people stand up and thank the people who have inspired them will they name a Young Jeezy or an Ace Hood? (Please, Jesus no) And even those that claim to be inspired by the greats are producing music as indiscernible and easily consumed and digested as popcorn.

Though I'm still mourning the loss of Michael Jackson and watch in dismay as the tabloids and 24-hour press tear him apart for the sake of a story, one tidbit did cheer me up. UsWeekly reported that while Michael's children were homeschooled, he himself tutored them in art, music and African-American history. I can't think of anyone better :)

An Open Letter to the American Government

To Whom it May Concern (which is everyone),

I don't know if you've heard but currently, our country is in crisis. Not a day goes by without me picking up a paper to find out who's been screwed over that day. If people are not getting laid-off, their kids are being subjected to harsh cuts to their educational funding, or their parents are being given sub-standard healthcare, or they're standing on lines at unemployment agencies TO CALL unemployment agencies so they can wade through bureaucratic red tape (I'm looking at you, Gov. Ah-Nold).

But the response from you all has been to point fingers and select committees to identify the people who are pointing the fingers and then make a subcommittee to stick their fingers up their own asses. Basically, it's become a giant clusterf*ck rather than what government is supposed to be; a representation and voice for the people it serves.

The problem is that the American people want action and something tangible while you seem more interested in trotting out other people to blame our current mess on. We want things fixed while you guys are trying to throw glue on a broken mug and hope it looks presentable. Contrary to popular belief, the American people aren't afraid of taxes, we're afraid of what you do with our taxes. For instance, I wouldn't mind giving away nearly half my paychecks in taxes if it meant I had low or no-cost healthcare with financial incentives for my doctors to care about my health, efficient and clean public transportation, good, low cost education for my future children and guarantees that my old-age wouldn't be spent in squalor.

And I don't think anyone would disagree with that.

People complain about taxes because they don't see their tax dollars at work. And the idea that giving tax breaks and bailouts to big business is a necessary evil in order to ensure job creation is a myth. In the past ten years, 70% of job creation was done by small businesses. It's not that we have "bailout fatigue", instead we have bailout rage. Everyday we hear about another initiative that has no effect on our every day lives but continues to allow those at the top to live comfortably.

For some reason you've ceased to become our representatives. You've become indifferent to our plight. That needs to end. In Britain after World War II, the government decided that having been devastated by a war and financially stricken, it would impose "cradle to the grave" reforms to improve the lives of their citizens. Are we not a nation indelibly impacted by war? Are we not financially broken? It's time to improve the lives of Americans in a radical way. And it's our government's job to do it.

The Weight of the World

This week has not been a good one for Oakland businesses. Two of my favorite places in Oakland, Drift Denim and The Parkway Speakeasy Theater are closing at the end of the week. Both announcements were made suddenly (I learned about the Parkway this morning) and for me, a person who really patronizes local businesses and develops relationships with the workers and owners, it's really disheartening. In the face of this, as well as hearing about million dollar bonuses for insufficient work, it's been a pretty disheartening week. 

There have been some bright spots. I've accomplished a lot at work this week and I'm preparing to go to NY and see my family and some amazing friends. Then there's Fug Madness (an easy way to chase away some blues) and new episodes of Lost and Scrubs. But overall, things have been steadily losing their shine. I'm not a shiny, happy person but I'm not dark & twisty either. I just wish I had some solutions. Or at least an answer or two. 

I'm working all this weekend (I gotta eat too) but I'm going to try my hardest to make it to these establishments before they close and give a little to make sure they close with some dignity and the knowledge that they were loved and enjoyed. 

Ciao. 

How Much for Happy

This article started up a shit-storm over at Jezebel today. And to be honest it's something I've been contemplating. Not so much comparing myself to my friends based on accomplishments but definitely in terms of finances. I have a shitload of friends with no jobs, in school who are traveling and living it up while I'm struggling to hold on to my studio apartment and pay my bills. It's not that I feel unaccomplished but my life does seem like it would be easier and more carefree if I was back in school.

At the same time school feels like a hideout. A place to be easy and carefree while others do the working. And really, if I don't have a plan or some place I really love, school seems like a complete and total waste of money. And though it's fun now, I'm sure all my schooled friends will be busting their asses to pay back school loans that they are currently blowing on Spring Break trips.

That being what it is, I've come to terms with who I am and where I'm at emotionally but not physically. I refuse to set arbitrary dates in terms of my professional or personal life. For instance, I'm 25 and I've never been in a serious relationship but I've never seen this as an inadequacy on my part. Mainly the guys that I've been with haven't been emotionally ready or they weren't men I wanted to be in a relationship with. The Boy was the closest I've come to actually wanting to date someone, which in my mind means taking that person into consideration when I make decisions, so it's not a small step for me. But I will admit to being frustrated at where I am physically in my life. I don't think I want to be in Oakland anymore. I want to take my chances in L.A. or outside of the country. I hate feeling stagnant and that is where I am right now. I feel trapped by bills and fear of job insecurity (because we've already established that I do not have anything to fall back on). And I hate feeling this way because, I don't have a kid, or a boyfriend or a well-paying job so why should I feel stuck? By what? I think the one fear I really have to be ready to let go of is the fear of being uncomfortable. It might take sleeping on some couches and hustling a bit more to be and do what I want. And I can't be afraid of that.

Who missed the memo?

2009 is supposed to be the year of change, hope and innovation. That's what we've been hearing about and with the inauguration of President-Elect Obama looming, this was supposed to signal a turning point for race relations in this country. So why was a Black man shot by a police officer while he was on his stomach with his hands behind his back on the very first day of this year of hope?

Since the shooting of Oscar Grant, no action has been taken by the BART police or the city of Oakland to investigate or prosecute the officer who fired his gun. Despite video evidence that is splashed across news media and YouTube, the officer has been allowed to resign and the mayor only released a statement after protests turned to near riots. All this only 7 days into the year of change.

Sadder still is the story of Kalynn Moore, a New Jersey mother who not only experienced the sudden death of her son in childbirth but was further horrified to learn that the hospital had thrown the infant's body out with the trash. And to top it all off, the hospital has given up the search for the body.

I am not a person who likes to shout racism, every time a Black person is wronged but these are two situations where not only the authorities but the media have failed to do what they are charged to. Oscar Grant was a young father who was shot in the back, yet no steps have been taken to investigate his death, and the media has chosen to portray him and the people of Oakland as thuggish and deserving of such treatment. Kalynn Moore has seen first hand that the people in power view both her and her child as disposable not even worthy of search that lasted more than a week. I hate to sound pessimistic but I honestly believe if this child had been White, there would have been a prolonged and exhaustive search for its body. It would be national news and people would be holding vigils. Because that is the value of a White life in this country.

If we hope that 2009 will truly be a year of change then we need to be that change. The United States has been talking about an American dream that cannot be realized when the lives of some Americans are worth more than others. I'm happy for President Obama but we are not all Barack Obama, we're much closer to being Oscar Grants and Kalynn Moores. "Hope"fully, that will "change".