100 Issues for 100 Days: #81

#81: Esperanza

Tonight I went to an SFJazz show. The artist was Esperanza Spalding, who is a wonderfully beautiful and talented bassist. The 23-year old is wildly entertaining and her performance was the epitome of casual and relatable even in a 1,000 seat venue. But mostly, she's just chill in that, I-wanna-hang-with-you way.

She has this song Precious which I love (also check out Cuerpo y Alma). My favorite part is the line:

But I'm not gonna sit around/And waste my precious divine energy/Trying to explain/And being ashamed of things /You think are wrong with me.

The first part rings so true. I'm not going to continue to waste my precious, divine energy on things that are weighing me down. And the second part, worrying about things that others think are wrong with me, is also just a waste of time. When she sang those words tonight it was all I could do not to jump up and shout "Yes!".

And although I've been complaining about my life being pretty dry, tonight was definitely an exception. I laughed and joked, and most of all I had fun. I think it's fitting that esperanza means "hope" because I definitely felt that tonight.

I also think I'm going to have to add her to the list of style icons. Her hair is to be envied and I loved her laid-back outfit (jeans, flats, white tank and oversized scarf). I suggest you check her out.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #80

#80: Sore throat

My throat has been feeling a bit sore this week. It's perpetually dry which ironically enough is how my life feels: dry.

My weekend in LA that was supposed to be lots of fun was ... not so much. I enjoyed myself but it was definitely not the weekend of wild debauchery I'd envisioned.

Since returning it's been "crazy in the streets" as I used to say in high school. Literally, I had to yell at a kid in the streets. But most of all, my life seems dry. I don't know where the fun went but it seems to be on permanent vacation and I want it to come home. I know this week has been "The Complainer's Blog" but I don't know what else to write about.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #79

#79: Hanging On for Dear Life

Things come undone
Like silken strands sliding through waiting fingers
Each day unraveling, past
Gone

Running without a chance to take a breath
Chest heavy with cold
Burning through a body
Waste

Hours upon hours, strike down
Grasping and clasping
Holding on to the present
No idea of the future
Pain

Doubled over, dry heaving
Out my spirit
All that's left to cling to
Hope

The season will end
Respite forthcoming
And if all else fails
Death

100 Issues for 100 Days: #78

#78: Ms. Stress

When it rains it pours. Despite all the planning and prepping that I did before leaving to "rest", I've come back and it's chaos. There's a million things going on, everyone is calling in sick, I'm sick too, and although it is November, it's blazing hot and the heat is making me more irritated. I'm working all through the weekend and basically I'm living for Veteran's Day. If I can just make it to next Wednesday, I should be alright. If not I may be in jail for killing someone's child.

100 Issues for 100 Days: #77

#77: Late Night

Last night I got home around 3 a.m. so although I had a post planned, I was far too tired to delve into the deep thoughts I had planned on sharing. But in the light of day I have some new thoughts/questions that this weekend away left me with:

1. I'm so glad my mom is my mom
I talk to my mom on the phone about every weekend. And if I miss a weekend she notices. We have a complicated relationship but most of all she's my friend. And she's a friend to my friends. In watching others interact with their moms, I always walk away appreciating her more.

2. How much change can your friends and family accept?
This is always something that runs through my mind. Even at 26, I'm constantly changing and I see it happening with my friends as well. There's a lot that I can accept but part of changing is knowing that not everyone around you is changing or that their change may lead them down a different path. So I wonder how much can people accept? One thing I observed this weekend is when the people around you do accept you, it's a beautiful thing.

3. The value of money
I touched on this in an earlier post this weekend but I just had to reiterate. The value of money is not in waht you purchase but rather in the freedom it affords you. A freedom from stress and worry. A freedom from limits. I think our society has focused too much on "being rich" or purchasing things. I just want the freedom to not have to worry about bills (and be able to eat what I want, when I want).

4. What are the things I value?
There are a lot of things I believe in strongly but most of all I believe in keeping an open-mind, attaining knowledge, treating people with respect and love and remaining humble. Those are the core values I try to model and what I hope to pass on to my children and my students. I also believe in being open, honest and straightforward with those I love. It's saved me a few friendships and hurt others but in the long run it was better than holding things in or being passive.

These are just a few things I came away from the weekend thinking about. I know it's heavy for a Halloween weekend but truth doesn't take a holiday.

100 Issues for 100 Days #76

#76: All Hallow's Eve


Halloween is probably my favorite holiday next to Christmas and my birthday (which I consider to be a holiday). As someone who's always loved stories, fantasy and theatre, the idea of an entire day dedicated to dressing in costume ... right up my alley.

But lately, as I've been talking to people I realize how maligned the holiday is. I will admit that Halloween is a far cry from what it originally was but every part of Halloween is rooted in some tradition.

At it's core Halloween is about a night when the veil between this world and the world of the dead is at its thinnest. Therefore, the spirits of the dead roam and the rituals we do are derived from the practical actions people took to ward off these spirits. Some of these practices are mostly lost, like the Celtic ritual of Samhain which is most closely related to Halloween. While others are still practiced today, like the Mexican Dia de los Muertos.

Costumes: The idea of costume-wearing is derived from the idea that while some spirits that may return on Halloween are helpful (the spirits of family members and friends), others may be harmful. So people wore costumes to frighten away the harmful spirits.

The Jack O' Lantern: In Irish and Scottish traditions, people lit candles to guide the spirits on their way. They would also carve turnips and rutabagas as well. This gave way to the jack o' lantern as we know it today.

Trick-or-treating: As many an altar will attest to, the giving of food to spirits is quite common in various religions. It is both an offering and a way to keep malicious spirits from trying to take more than you want them to. Historically, the poor would go door to door asking for the food that was laid out for spirits and offer their prayers for those who gave them food. This practice led to modern day trick-or-treating.

Candied Apples: Besides honouring the dead, given it's time of year, Halloween has also been a celebration of the harvest. As such, apples play a big role in the festival. In many Wiccan traditions, apples are also revered for their use in love spells. The apple is a fruit that is sacred to many traditions.

These are just a few of the Halloween traditions we know and love today. I just think it's time that people explore the history of Halloween before they think of it as scary or evil. And I think children would appreciate it more if we talked about the history and the various religious traditions it encompasses. In many ways, Halloween is one of the few holidays that everyone can embrace. I'm sure we all have a spirit we want near us as we claim our treats or plan our tricks.

Happy Halloween!

100 Issues for 100 Days #75

#75: A Day Late and a Dollar Short

With the economic crisis that we're all facing, the end of the month has come to be the time that most people dread and yet wait for with bated breath. It's the time when the amount of money in your pockets is ebbing like the tide at it's lowest point. But you know that if you can hold on long enough, the money will flow back in. Then the cycle begins all over again.

You pay the bills, have a dinner out here or there and buy something nice to lift your mood but always, the end of the month is lurking there. In that last week, you pack your lunch to work every day. You beg off invitations out. It's all about the necessities, laundry, groceries, medicine. Anything that can wait will and you start to borrow from Peter, in order to Paul.

I know there are all these prescribed ways to creak the cycle (saving, less spending, budgeting, etc) but the truth is this is how the majority of Americans live. And even when I budget, that doesn't mean that I should turn down every dinner invitation or cut out the spontaneity of my life. I'm 26, single and childless; I shouldn't have to second-guess every time I go out for a beer. But it is a cycle and I hate knowing that at the end of every month, I'll struggle against so many things just because I lived my life.